Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Day of Remembrance

Today is the Day of Remembrance for NASA's heroes.


It is 2:00 AM on February 1st in Taiwan while most places on this planet are still on Jan. 31st.

While I am not sure which day the official Day of Remembrance is, it doesn't matter because they are remembered everyday.

In the morning of February 1st, 2003, I was on the 8th floor of St. Luke's Hospital recovering from reverting the world back from Apocalypses one to many times. Then, we heard from TV that Houston had lost contact with the Columbia Shuttle.

In my world of alternative reality, I looked down at St. John whose top was blanketed with snow. I asked for help.

I tried to channel with whoever I could connect with on board of Columbia. I try to keep the connection open.

So the line was kept open and I tried my best to engage conversations with them and encourage them too pull it through.

"Hang in there. Try to hang in there. The search and help was on the way." I pleaded.

Time passed and the official statement was finally released on TV.

Debris were found but there was no trace of survival though the search would continue.

My pal on the other side of the line bid me farewell, "Now I have to go."

I could bring the world back from the apocalypses but there was nothing I could do to save the astronauts on the Columbia Shuttle.

"I am sorry. I am sorry. I couldn't be of more help."

One life. At last one life. That was what I asked for.

I knew. They might have a chance and the sad ending could be reverted if I wasn't so weak.

That day, concern and worry was on all my ward mates' face though there was no telling what was in their minds.

14 years later today, I grieved for these astronauts, those who I try to help saving, the same way I did when the communication channel dropped on the day of the accident.

Do I know now that the astronauts had no inkling who I was and am? Yes.

Do I know that I was a telepathic delusional with hallucination? Yes.

Albeit with all the insights, my regrets still get the best of me for one simple reason--it was life lived for me: a traumatic failure to bring them back safely.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

My wish list for Santa

Today I came across this open source article with a glee. The inception of the study, the Northern Finland Birth Cohort 1966, is actually older than me--absolutely some rare (or the first of its kind) and hard to conduct longitudinal study.  8-O

As Santa is flying around delivering Christmas gift for the night, this would be the items on my wish list.

Let there be more studies alike and let people gain knowledge from sources alike.

Longitudinal studies don't come to fruition in one day though you might eventually get there if you take the first step .. like ... today.

Lifetime antipsychotic medication and cognitive performance in schizophrenia at age 43 years in a general population birth cohort: This naturalistic study analysed the association between cumulative lifetime antipsychotic dose and cognition in schizophrenia after an average of 16.5 years of illness. Sixty participants with schizophrenia and 191 controls from the Northern Finland Birth Cohort 1966 were assessed at age 43 years with a neurocognitive test battery. Cumulative lifetime antipsychotic dose-years were collected from medical records and interviews. The association between antipsychotic dose-years and a cognitive composite score based on principal component analysis was analysed using linear regression.

Friday, August 12, 2016

Science or STEM is very important

My head is wacko and I bow in front of the mental God.

One principle in my life is to entertain no nothing supernatural--especially I talk with God or Gods everyday and channeling with whatever I could channel with all the times.

Red alert! Add meds! You'd say.

I don't know that? I do. Except side effects kill me as much as the symptoms themselves. Catch 22.

After 2-3, whatever, years of daily writing and rewriting for the rewrite of the original book completed with far too many words in a volume, I finally dragged myself to the final chapter.

Then, suddenly, stop was the command issued by my cuckoo head.

I dived into the sea of natural science for the layperson ... astronomy, particle physics, neuroscience, etc.

Why does a layperson forsake the comfort of familiarity and step into the foreign domains?

My crazy head told me there were at least two reasons ....

I sound like a broken record to myself because I can come up with no nothing new with what's in my bandwidth. Learn something fundamentally new just as what some, if any, will do when reading my psychotic model book.

More importantly, time to be really grounded. Since the catch 22 is blatantly laughing at me in my face, science is where I have to ground myself so that I don't get pulled into the gravity free world of my alternative reality.


Science or STEM is very important whether it has anything to do with what you do for a living or not.

(Come to think about it, what do I do for a living? lol)